Word Of Life
by schillingklaus
Summary: JT Hawthorne alias Addie Singer is hired by PCA in order to write a biographical novel about Zoey Brooks, whereupon she reveals many hitherto hidden scandals about students and school.
1. Introduction

**Chapter 1 Introduction**

* * *

**1:1 Epigraph**

**_"_**  
Jesus said, "Perhaps people think that I have come to cast peace upon the world. They do not know that I have come to cast conflicts upon the earth: fire, sword, war. For there will be five in a house: there'll be three against two and two against three, father against son and son against father, and they will stand alone."  
**_"_**

—from _Gospel According To Thomas_, _Nag Hammadi Library, Codex II_

* * *

**1:2 Prologue**

Dear Gentle Reader,

this author assumes that most of you are conveniently armed with some substantial knowledge about the world of the real live action shows of **Nickelodeon**, especially _Zoey 101_ by indispensable **Daniel Schneider**; whereas, if some details are absent from your mind, checking the usual sources—such as **Wikipedia** and **IMDB**—will help you along. Unlike most of those shows, _Zoey 101_ convinces with a sense of continuity and the absence of some annoying laugh track; that notwithstanding, it lacks—just like its sibling and cousin shows—any appropriate conclusion, pretending that the life of all of its characters had magically evaporated at some random point, videlicet: right after the serious finale.

The reader that has followed the canon of _Zoey 101_ has most likely seen that Schneider emphasises low-mimetic comedy above all. This—or so this author dares to claim—is a big waste of potential offered by the vision that Dan Schneider must have received from **Thalia**, the muse of classic comedy, in order to conceive what we will conveniently call **Schneiderverse**; consequently, the less enlightened viewers of Schneider's show have got the impression of an ultimately idyllic group of friends—notwithstanding a bunch of conflict resolved by means of comedy—studying together at renowned **Pacific Coast Academy**, located down by the sandy beach of Malibu near Los Angeles: mary-sueish **Zoë Brooks**, commonly known as _Zoey_; cerebral narcissist **Quinn Pensky**; aspiring diva **Dolores Martinez**, commonly referred to as _Lola_; spoiled dandy and somatic narcissist **Logan Reese**; uncomely talkative freak **Chase Matthews**; and no-good-for-anything soul flutist **Michael Barret**. But, deploying a thorough procedure of reading behind the lines, all apparent harmony will be easily found vain and frail, and so will be the whole environment and society; which will be demonstrated throughout the course of this story.

For this purpose, let us assume that, towards the end of the course of the canon of _Zoey 101_, the management of this renowned boarding school was hiring a novelist in order to write a biography of Zoë Brooks, the most distinguished amongst the students of Pacific Coast Academy; and that this biographer-novelist is going to explore not only the star's and her friends' life and time, as known to the reader familiar with the canon, but also many things hidden betwixt the lines or completely lost in Schneider's attempts to boil down his work for the taste of some not so enlightened target audience, serving the market interests of the capitalist producers of the show. The purpose of the book, as envisioned by the management, was of course that of promoting the school itself and its sponsors, a group of influential players in the world of the big business, as revealed in great detail later down the road; alas, the impending research of the novelist would also lead to discoveries less pleasant for the management represented by executive chairman **Garth Berman**, whom the astute viewer of _Zoey 101_ will remember from the episode _Spring Fling_, and by **Satanael Bradford**, known to the careful reader (albeit only by family name) from the episode _Prank Week_.

Now it is time to reveal the envisioned author of the book about Zoey, as chosen by the management of Pacific Coast Academy. Well, Garth Berman has heard that Ms. Brooks was an avid fan of one **JT Hawthorne**, and the alert reader will possibly remember, from the episode titled _Favor Chain_ that Zoë had tried to jump through hoops in order to be able to attend the public presentation of the fast-rising star of young-adult prose. It will be little surprising for the reader to hear that Berman, once hearing about this incident, was convinced that nobody would be more qualified for the job under consideration than Zoë's distinguished favourite novelist.

But JT Hawthorne is not shown or described in the canon, and only mentioned in one lone episode; thence she is—as expressed in the _Gospel According To Thomas_—a stone thrown away by the careless construction workers, to be made the cornerstone of a new work. Nevertheless, the reader will be potentially even more suprised upon our presentation of her identity: She is no other than **Addison Singer**, alias Addie, star of Nickelodeon's _Unfabulous_; albeit not a work of Schneider and his immediate work group, there are close connection between their production procedures, making them effectively one universe; and, even more, as will be known by some very attentive readers, the same sactress has got a cameo, also named _Addie_, in the episode _Honor Council_ in Schneider's work _Drake & Josh_; wherein she is portrayed as a friend of cunning vixen **Megan Parker**, one of the show's major characters.

But how–or so you will ask—did said Addie Singer become a renowned novelist of some sort, and especially the favourite author of Ms. Brooks? We will only address here the first half of the questions, whence the reader will find answers to the latter later down the road. The regular viewers of _Unfabulous_ will remember that Addie was—for the duration of the show's canon—a middle school girl and author of lyrics for her own songs about the life of children of her age in the modern American society; that she also sang those song and played the guitar; yet that she admitted to not being a capable composer of tunes. This should make you wonder where the tunes are really from—which you will learn later down the road. After all, Addison was not hired by Berman as a song writer and performer, but as a prose author and biographer.

Here we are: After the events reported in _Unfabulous_, Addison wrote her autobiographical prose work, covering the material represented also in the show; therein, her song lyrics are embedded prominently. As we infer from the episode _The Toot_, one of her examples as an author of Prose was no other than **Edgar Allan Poe**, one of the greatest American fiction writers of all times. Poe belonged to the literary school of dark romance, exactly like his contemporary **Nathaniel Hawthorne**. This connection explains how Addie had chosen _Hawthorne_ as part of her artist's pseudonym.

While using the term **romance**, it appears necessary to explain that most contemporary people abuse and distort the meaning of the expression beyond any acceptable measure. Vulgar people of Addie's generation have been misguided into the absurd belief that romances were essentially charater-centred love stories, but this is an abstruse misconception spread by the drivers of a decadent culture. Reliable scholars of literature, such as outstanding **Richard Chase**, author of _The American Novel And Its Tradition_, have correctly defined the romance as a kind of prose fiction deliberately violating the requirements for a mainstream novel; more precisely, they deployed a different manner of observing and evaluating reality. The mainstream novel is keen on presenting realistic characters acting plausibly under realistic circumstances, according to their social and psychological background; thereas, the romance is keen on abstracting and idealising characters, and on representing contrived circumstances and events beyond the limits of quotidian experience.

The very Nathaniel Hawthorne had not only promoted this definition, but also practised this style of lengthy prose; further, this one supreme master of American literature emphasised the romance writer's ability to dream weird things, yet to make them look like truth.

And Addison Singer was uncontestably gifted with this quality, as expressed as well in her autobiographic prose fiction, as in her previous attempts of song lyrics; nevertheless, she could not help feeling that her works were not well-understood by her fans—due to their misguided expectations. For this reason, it was not easy for Addison to understand why she had been chosen for that task, and what exactly Garth Berman was expecting when he hired her as the autobiographer of an impending biographical novel about Zoë Brooks. One of the best expressions of her qualities as a romantic writer was found in her novel when she described her own jealousy as turning into a monster with green eyes, which some readers will remember from the episode _The Eye Randy_.

Those familiar with Megan Parker's intrigant and tricky demeanour will not be surprised too much upon learning that Addison owed much of her own career to Megan's activity of pulling the strings; on the other hand, Addison was not really aware of this, although she knew well about Megan's fear-instilling aura, making the latter even an antagonist in her nightmares, as expressed in the out-of-continuity episode _Talent Show_, where she appears as one **Cosmina**. So it is easy to see that Addison's feelings for Megan were not those of classical friendship, but rather comparable to the servility and awe of a worshipper of some uncanny supernatural power. This attitude had contributed significantly to Addison's preference for the romance over the realist novel, and thence to the style of her prose fiction.

* * *

**1:3 Addison Singer Enconters Garth Berman**

On a 2008 spring evening culminating in an emerald dusk, Addison Singer was escorted carefully into the office of Garth Berman, aforementioned dutiful Executive Chairman of the board of sponsors of Pacific Coast Academy, one of the leading boarding schools of California. Some dimming neon lamp provided the room with just enough light for avoiding any accidental collision with the sparse yet fashionable furniture. The nervous chairman, facing the young author with a weird blend of curiosity and apathy, rose up from his settle; thereupon, the habitual conventional greetings were exchanged, and the visitor was offered an appropriate commodity for disposing with her heavy street garments, and for taking seat; thereupon, the executive officer returned to his own seat; and then he turned on the full illumination of the office room. Addie Singer, dreaming her way through reality, noticed the determined traits of the chairman's face, along with some neatly designed tattoo of a stingray, the holy crest animal—for reasons to be revealed later down the road–of the renowned educational institution; that notwithstanding, she was not overly impressed, because she had pretty much been disappointed by men of business since the start of her career as a published author.

Berman offered the guest some soft drink. The group of sponsors, whom he represented, included California's most renowned vendor of soft drinks: **Blix**—certainly known to most regular viewers of _Zoey 101_ or _The iCarly Show_—; whence advertisements for this company adorned the halls and corridors of the business building hosting Berman's office. Thirsty Addison accepted gratefully that generous offer; whereby she was reminded of her hometown's pub for children, **The Juice**, where she used to hang out a lot with her friends **Geena Fabiano** and **Zachariah Carter Schwartz**; and where her elder brother, one **Benjamin Singer**, had worked as a barman. All this is certainly already known to the regular viewer of _Unfabulous_, and it is described in Addison's autobiographical romance. Addie even imagined that Benjamin could start working for a company like Blix, although she was—for a variety of reasons—not overly convinced of her brother.

Some moments of uncanny silence filled the office room for a few moments, whereupon increasingly nervous Berman asked carefully whether the fledgling star author felt really up to the impending task, which he had a hard time explaining.

Addison agreed with—prima facie—carefree ease, explaining that she was ready and looking definitely forward to writing a novel about the life and times of Zoë Brooks, the most popular female student at Pacific Coast Academy, in turn for a full scholarship at said luxury boarding school. On the other hand, little did she know about the real reasons for Berman's offer. Likewise, Berman, although initiator of the action, was only partly aware of those very reasons, either; for, after all, he was more or less just an agent sent forth by the landlord of Pacific Coast Academy.

Addison remembered her presentation in a book shop in Malibu, although she was not able to remember any of the visitors, let alone Zoë Brooks in particular. Like all the other presentations of her book, it had been organised by her editor's marketing department; whence Addison had always felt shoehorned into the frame of such an event, unable to express herself, embarrassed beyond any reason. The presentations were supposed to give her readers the opportunity to ask her a few questions, yet all that ever came out was civilised turmoil. Now Addison wondered why Zoë Brooks was so addicted to that novel; whence, lacking further informations, she started speculating wildly. Soon enough, we will study the reasons for the blond Mary-Sue's obsession for the purpose of comparing her expectations and the truth; but, in the next step, let us see how Addison gets started at her new school.


	2. First Day Of The New Academic Year

**Chapter 2 The First Day Of New Academic Year**

* * *

**2:1 Addison Arrives At PCA**

Brilliant sunbeams continued scorching Malibu when Addison and Benjamin Singer arrived at the entrance to the campus of Pacific Coast Academy for the start of the new academic year. As expected, Benjamin was out for courting some of the girls, although he was not allowed to do so by his contract with the administration of the boarding school; therein, he had obliged himself to abstain from courting minors. Resultingly, Addison had to try hard to keep her brother focussed on his tasks as the new responsible for the Blix cart.

The Singers had hitherto lived near the Atlantic coast, but they had occasionally visited California; especially Addison had got a few friends here, such as aforementioned Megan Parker. The main cause were some relatives in the golden state, such as on **Melissa Lavender Stalker**, a slightly younger second cousin living in San Diego, and studying nowadays here at Pacific Coast Academy. Little wonder, Addison was looking forward to meeting with that girl, one of her best friends since their infancy. Melissa Lavender is known unto some of you readers best by the name of _Wendy_, and she is a guest starring in the episode _Number One Fan_ of _Drake & Josh_; nevertheless, the family name will be new to you.

A depiction of a large stingray adorned the entrance of the campus, and this marine beast was already known unto Addison and Benjamin as the crest animal of Pacific Coast Academy. Addison wondered about the significance of the beast, and she had started doing so upon spotting the stingray tattoo located on one of the arms of Garth Berman; unfortunately, she had not even dared to ask the executive chairman about its significance; which, on the other hand, would have been futile, as not even Garth Berman was aware of a deeper significance, although he was not only a responsible chairman, but also an alumnus of the renowned boarding school.

Let the reader be aware of the fact that Daniel Schneider often uses carelessly a lot of sacred symbols in his shows, which—due to his refusal or incapacity of elaborating thereupon—can be very annoying.

Primarily inspired by Edgar Allan Poe's wonderful poem _The Raven_, whereby she had learned to respect the symbolic meaning of this dark bird as the messenger of the impending doom, Addison recognised that crest animals were very symbolic, although she did not yet understand the case of this stingray. Obviously, she was now very interested in finding out about the stingray's more proound meaning; which would not be easy, as barely anyone on the campus knew anything about it; thence asking some random students and staff members would—little surprisingly—prove utterly futile; that notwithstanding, Addison felt intuitively—and correctly—that it would be significant for completing her work about Zoë Brooks.

Finally, Benjamin and Addison decided to go different ways on the campus: Addison wanted to see her own dormitory room as soon as possible, to meet her aforementioned friend Melissa Lavender Stalker, and to encounter someone appointed by the administration in order to get her research started officially; whereas Benjamin wanted to find the new chief janitor, **Robert Gordon**, in order to be able to access his Blix cart. The latter will be known to viewers of _Ned__'__s Declassified School Survival Guide_ as _Custodian Gordy_, and also to viewers of _Big Time Rush_ as _Buddha Bob_.

Encountering the fabulous fountain at the centre of the pavements, Addison halted her stride in order to watch the course of the rising and squirting water, wherein she saw some symbolic meaning—to be specified later down the road; alas, she had to continue walking past the adjacent residence blocks in order to find her own.

Next, Addison encountered a monumental sculpture made prevalently of lead, a statue of the founder of Pacific Coast Academy, **Yaldabaoth Bradford**, whom the reader possibly remembers—albeit merely by family name—from the episode _Prank Week_. despite not yet knowing the precise significance of the monument, Addison Singer was scared by her first impression thereof. The socket of this work contained a plaque with an inscription telling her the identity of the thusly adored person. Little did she know that she would turn—step by step, one by one—even more intimidated by the uncanny sculpture upon reading more about the founder in the annals of the school.

* * *

**2:2 The Return Of Zoë Brooks**

The canon written by Daniel Schneider has left you off with the junior prom celebrations of Zoë Brooks and her friends. It will be necessary to inform the gentle reader about their destiny ever since, videlicet: between junior prom and the start of senior year. For the time being, we will have to concentrate on Zoey.

Indeed, the charming and perfect embodiment of Plato's virtues arrived in that moment at the student drop, accompanied by her brother **Dustin Brooks**.

The regular viewer of _Zoey 101_ will be familiar with Dustin to some degree, although he has been rudely neglected by Daniel Schneider; that notwithstanding, he will be very important as a witness for Addison in order to evaluate the life and times of his elder sister.

Zoey had spent—as announced in the canon—her summer break with her current boyfriend Chase Matthews on Maui, an island belonging to the archipelago of Hawaii. You will probably remember that the two of them, although close during their whole common life on the campus, had only become an established couple—following some weird coincidences—during said junior prom. Their common time spent on the island had been too short and too valuable to discuss too many things they should have discussed, which—as the reader will see soon—was like a relentlessly ticking time bomb for their relationship. In particular, Zoë Brooks had refrained from informing Chase about her adulterous affair with tall blond rake **James Garrett**; which—as most readers will remember—occurred during the period of Chase's absence from Pacific Coast Academy; which had been terminated by Zoey, without any appropriately mediated reason, just right at the wake of junior prom; and about which Chase had not yet been informed. Her other misdeed was that of forgiving football star **Vincent Blake**, the worst public enemy of Chase Matthews. She should have known that she was better the one to confess everything unto Chase, but she decided not to; alas, little did she know, let alone admit, that this was one gross mistake.

Dustin Brooks had felt neglected by his usually overprotective sister: He had been abused in the most detestable manner by Quinn and Logan as a fake prom date—which would never have happened, had Zoey taken better care of him. For that reason, Zoë Brooks was now suffering from quite a few increasingly ardent remorses that would not vanish automatically; thence, she dragged her brother's complete luggage across the campus.

Both Zoë and Dustin had heard about the plans of the school's administration to publish a book about her years on the campus; thence they were already speculating about the possibilities. Without knowing any details of the plans, she expected to be subject to many interviews; thence Zoë was particularly excited by the fact that JT Hawthorne would come to live on the campus and spend a lot of time with the Miss Perfect. On the other hand, Zoë's senior year would be stressful with or without it; therefore, although she was unnaturally resistant to amounts of stress that would have derailed any average adolescent, she wished to stay as much herself during the senior year and see the work necessary for the upcoming biography as a wayside addition to her normal schedule, rather than as one of her major projects.

Dustin was proud of his sister, and he imagined wildly that the book would also be used as a base for a Hollywood movie; even more, he shouted this possibility across the campus. despite being too humble to boast aloud with that possibility, the most charming young lady felt outrageously flattered by these prospects; additionally, she saw this as an excellent chance for humiliating her former rival from elementary school: **Katie Beckerman**. The gentle reader who has watched carefully the episode _Miss PCA_ will certainly remember the ancient yet never-forgotten conflict of Katie and Zoë.

**Malcolm Reese**, alumnus and sponsor of Pacific Coast Academy as well as father of Logan Reese, was—as shown in the episode _Spring Breakup_—one of the richest and most influential producers of Hollywood. Indeed, the board of sponsors was not just considering the possibility of turning the book into a movie, it had been in the back of Malcolm's head when he had first proposed to deploy the story of Zoë Brooks as a means of future publicity for Pacific Coast Academy; that notwithstanding, the board had hitherto refrained from informing the students about such a possibility, because they knew that announcing such a movie would have undoubtedly resulted in major turmoil on the campus.

Zoë Brooks was at least almost dying for meeting JT Hawthorne as soon as possible, as she had not really been able to do so during her visit to the young novelist's presentation; but she also needed to get Dustin safely to his dormitory room; thereupon, she would want to meet her dormitory mates in order to talk to them about the summer break.

The informed reader is probably aware of the fact that the parents of Dustin and Zoë were nowadays living in London, the capital of good old England; thence both of the children had been dropped by **Glazer Brooks**, one of their uncles. Some readers will remember him as Dr. Glazer, the chaotic medic from the outskirts San Diego appearing in a few episodes of _Drake & Josh_. Instead of caring a lot about his nephews, he wanted to take a drink as soon as possible and to see the administration for one purpose: Inspired by his nephews' reports about Pacific Coast Academy, Glazer had applied for the position of a school medic. It will possibly surprise you that he was an alumnus of this renowned boarding school; that he had, as a consequence, still got quite a few contacts among the staff; and that he was particularly excited by the fact that there were many more women on the campus than back during his high-school years. But there was another reason for him to visit the campus, a reason he had to hide from about everyone, including his nephews: Senior student Quinn Pensky had been his medical deputy since her arrival in California; and they had to talk about her ongoing medical research activities, because he needed top countersign each of her documents. The readers have not been informed about this connection by Dan Schneider, although they have cxertainly watched Quinn perform several medical operations and research activities throughout the show.

* * *

**2:3 Addison Meets Melissa Lavender**

As aforementioned, Wendy Stalker was among Addie Singer's old acquaintances.

Upon their encounter, Wendy had to report the fact that Megan Parker, their common friend from San Diego, was coming again for a visit during the following days in order to perform at the opening celebrations of the academic year, using her oboe.

As known from the canon, Melissa Lavender was much less interested in Megan than in **Drake Parker**, young rock star and elder brother of the cunning vixen. This star of _Drake & Josh_ is certainly well-known to about all readers, and so only little known facts about him deserve to be reported. Wendy had been a very aggressive fangirl; nevertheless, she had calmed down quite a bit; thereupon, she had started composing rock tunes with the purpose of making Drake sing to them, which she had actually achieved. The latter fact will be illuminated later down the road, but the reader is informed here that the lyrics of Drake's songs had been prevalently written by Addison. Ignorant Drake was neither aware of the source of the lyrics, nor of the tunes; whence he mistook them for his own creations.

For the moment, it is important to see how Melissa Lavender Stalker was able to contribute to Addison Singer's research concerning Zoey's story on the campus. Being asked, Wendy mentioned that she knew Zoey somewhat for over three years, and that she had got into repeated troubles with the enchanting Miss Perfect.

The primary source of those conflicts had been Dustin's vain attempt of courting Melissa Lavender, who had thereupon started to ridicule him. On the one hand, Wendy had still been addicted to Drake only; on the other hand, she had deemed Dustin hopelessly immature because he had frequently patronised by his elder sister. The careful watcher of the episode _Lola Likes Chase_ will remember Dustin mentioning some Wendy that had treated him as reported above.

Having heard—from Dustin's friends—about Lavender's rude words to Dustin, Zoë had intervened brashly and accused Lavender—erroneously—of having approached Dustin for the sole purpose of playing deliberately with his feelings. Melissa Lavender's already flagrant adversity with respect to Zoë Brooks had been accelerated by the fact that the Miss Perfect had previously organised a concert by Drake Parker at Pacific Coast Academy; even more, Zoë had achieved to pay for his performance not with money, but with services: Zoë had become the designer of the outfit of Drake's band. The episode _Spring Fling_ deals with the details, but Schneider calls Drake Parker _Drake Bell_. This—so the reader should learn—was essentially but an artist's pseudonym, forged by Drake due to the name of his high-school: **Belleview**. Melissa Lavender Stalker inferred—prematurely and incorrectly—that Zoë Brooks was not only the resident president of Drake's fanclub, but also one of his mistresses.

Summing it up, the charming adolescent lady had turned rapidly into the archenemy of Melissa Lavender Stalker, who was now ready to make up all sorts of abstruse statements about her main foe. Now the obsessive adorer of Drake Parker was infuriated by the fact that her primeval foe was also a fan of one of her long-term friends, videlicet of Addison Singer; in other words, she accused Zoë Brooks—absurdly—of attempting to strip her brutally of everything dear and valuable.

For Addison, all this implied that she had to take all statements made by her remote relative and—at least hitherto—close friend cum granum salis; thence she was looking forward to interviewing more objective witnesses able to direct her. She was also aware of the fact that not only Melissa Lavender Stalker, but also a cohort of other girls would perversely envy Zoë Brooks for her perfection.

* * *

**2:4 The Blix Cart**

Robert Gordon had to inaugurate Benjamin Singer into his office as a Blix vendor; notwithstanding the fact that he was new at Pacific Coast Academy, he had accumulated some fairly comprehensive experience as a custodian at some other schools.

Benjamin wondered about the huge amount of weird devices that inhabited the shelves of the custodian's shack.

Robert explained that he had been a great weasel hunter, back when he worked over at **James K. Polk** Middle School in Santa Clarita; nevertheless, he had never been capable of trapping the weasel, and now he feared that the uncanny beast had followed him—like some sticky nightmare or curse—onto the new campus. Soon thereafter, Robert Gordon would come to hear even more rumours about little mammals invading the campus, such as squirrels and skunks. The occasional invasion of those kinds of creatures should not be unfamiliar to the regular watcher of _Zoey 101_, but Schneider did little to help the viewer to make sense of this repetitive topic; thence the reader should expect Robert Gorden's paranoia to increase rapidly during the days, weeks, or months to come.

Benjamin tried to comprehend the modus operandi of a weasel stun gun and a flying weasel net; thereupon, he featured using those devices for purposes others than originally intended, and he shared his thoughts with the visibly interested custodian.

Finally, the custodian had uncovered and undusted the Blix cart, allowing Benjamin thusly to start his job—if there had been any snacks and drinks inhabiting the device; thereupon, he read some written instructions telling him to send Benjamin into the storage room of the cafeteria in order to restock the necessary supplies; in doing so, he insisted in accompanying the new Blix vendor, because of the keys necessary for accomplishing said mission.

Schneider has given the viewers of _Zoey 101_ quite a few impressions of the cafeteria and its storage facilities, but there is more to say about it than obvious from the canon. The academic year had not yet been started officially, whence the storage was almost empty.

On their way across the square, Benjamin asked Robert for advice concerning the art of courting girls. The custodian claimed—in an excessively exaggerating and boastful manner—to be in possession of insane amounts of experience and wisdom from his times in the Himalaya, where he had once tried—albeit in vain—to hunt the Yeti, applying his impressive skills of weasel-hunting.

Upon opening the storage room, Robert and Benjamin spotted some shadowy figure emanating some uncanny sound. Robert tried to calm himself, but he could not get rid of the haunting imagination that the weasel of terror had found its way into the storage room, and he decided to share his impressions with Benjamin.

Finally, messy Coco Wexler emerged from the shifting shades. The experienced watcher of _Zoey 101_ will suppose—not incorrectly—that Coco, the girls' dormitory adviser, was searching for canned spicy food, such as Italian ravioli. Her key, as she admitted, had been stolen from the previous custodian, whom she had talked dizzy in her most disgusting manner until he had dropped the item; thereupon, she fell on her knees, asking Robert desperately to refrain from denouncing her unto **Carl Rivers**, the stern headmaster of Pacific Coast Academy. The regular watcher of _Zoey 101_ will remember that Rivers had grown suspicious of Wexler's competences and responsibility as a staff member. Gordon shook his head, but he told her expressis verba that she would have to help him hunt the weasel, and any other foul creature haunting the campus. Thankful and relieved Coco pounced appallingly upon Robert, who was not exactly disgusted by that action. Benjamin admired now the custodian even more for his skills concerning women.

Robert and Benjamin had to leave Coco behind. Benjamin thought that Coco, who had introduced herself already as the dormitory maid responsible for the residence hall of Zoë Brooks, would be very useful for his quest of courting the charming young lady, or—as he had tried to make his siter believe—to support the latter's quest of researching the character and life of said Miss Perfect.

In this moment, Glazer Brooks stumbled upon Benjamin's cart, whereupon he felt the need of purchasing a cup of Blix and some cookie. Benjamin fulfilled the family medic's request, and he surmised correctly that the latter was related to Zoë Brooks. Upon the quacksalver's confirmation, he tried to use the latter in order to find a way to Zoë; thence he started asking lots of questions about the perfect lady, pretending to work exclusively on his sister's research project.

Glazer pretended to be reluctant to talk unto strangers about family members; that notwithstanding, he insinuated—with scaring subtlety—that he was willing to part with his knowledge for some, provided that he would get recompensated appropriately. Benjamin agreed cordially: Drinks and cookies in turn for first-hand information about Zoë Brooks.

* * *

**2:5 David Bender Instructs Addison**

The regular watchers of _Zoey 101_, especially of the first and second season, will remember **David Bender**, one of the more popular teachers at Pacific Coast Academies. Bender had been assigned by Garth Berman as responsible for helping Addison Singer to organise her research; whence he had expecter her in his office already at this early point of the academic year, and he was not disappointed. Addison walked in, asking modsestly whether she was in the correct office and facing the correct person for her task. David Bender and Addison Singer exchanged the habitual formal salutations, whereupoin they took seats at opposite sites of the office desk, which was ornated with the stingray crest and other insignia of the school and its history. The offices had been refurnished recently, and for a variety of reasons.

Bender started talking about Addison's and Zoë's curricular schedules for the purpose of finding best occasions for common work sessions of the two girls; thereupon, he had to admit that he had been in the committee responsible for approving the schedules—a demanding task not duly acknowledged and awarded by Dean Rivers and by Overlord Satanael Bradford.

Addison moaned about the tight schedule, but she was well-aware of the fact that she had taken upon herself the obligations, and that there was no way back.

Bender also urged the capable poetess to interview Zoë's friends, and he named the most important students to address; likewise, he thoroughly admonished the follower of Edgar Allan Poe's craft to report regularly back unto him, as requested by Garth Berman and the board of sponsors; thereafter, he told her to visit the school's library and study the annals, which he surmised to be full of useful informations for the purpose of backing up the adolescent poetess's research about the unforgettable works of the Miss perfect and their significance for the history of Pacific Coast Academy.

Addison took notes and promised solemnly to follow the teacher's valuable—supposedly— advice; nevertheless, she surmised correctly that no amount of advice would be able to prevent her from encountering cascades of obstacles and distraction, as she had already figured upon her previously reported conversation with envious Melissa Lavender.

* * *

**2:6 At The End Of The Day**

Addison's first day on the campus was all but gone when she turned incredibly thirsty and hungry; whence she decided, notwithstanding her disproval of Benjamin's habits, to purchase a cup of Blix and a few cookies from her brother's cart. In doing so, she also hoped to get granted some credit, as she had obtained back in their hometown.

Benjamin greeted his little sister in a sarcastic manner; nevertheless, he switched immediately to reporting about his discoveries, especially his encounter with the overweighted dormitory maid; thereupon, he explained that it would be fairly easy for Addie to extort some information from Coco, given the latter's obsession with fat and spiced snacks, which he could provide with ease.

Addison was—just as usual—appalled by Benjamin's methods; but, tired from the efforts of the dying day, she decided to give it a try. She had not met her dormitory advisor yet, but she knew that she would have to do a lot with her. Then she inferred, from the Benjamin's way of talking about Zoë Brooks, that her—in her judgment—misguided elder brother was trying to court the Miss Perfect in a subtle yet tenacious manner. She did still not approve of his distasteful manners, but she needed to move onward; thence she encouraged Benjamin—albeit not expressis verba—to keep on pursuing his quest.

* * *

**2:7 Careless Whispers**

Finally, Benjamin's hours of service came to an end, and the owner looked back to a perfect start of his new business.

The Blix cart was the most frequented meeting point of students—which would be even more obvious a few days thereafter; as a consequence, groups of students continued conversations about rumours and important facts circulating among the students.

Benjamin had not got any difficulty observing that Zoë Brooks, as a most popular and renowned student of the boarding school, was the subject of cascades of ceaseless conversations of the students; whence he decided to listen more and more closely to them in order to retrieve more fruitful informations about the primary and ultimate object of his quest. He was acutely aware of the fact that Addison, despite her desperate need of informations, would never have approved his ways of retrieving the data: espionage, bribery, guile, and cunning. Nevertheless, he decided to follow this path with remorseless consequence.

A few rumours hit Benjamin's ears squarely, and their source was one student known as **Fire Wire**. The inclined reader remembers this pseudo-scientist from episodes like _Robot Wars_, where his civil name is revealed: **Wayne Gilbert**; alas, as inferred from Wayne's way of talking, he appeared as a direct competitor of Benjamin in the sense that both boys tried to court the Miss perfect for equally inappropriate and questionable motivations. Well, Benjamin did not yet know Wayne's reasons for his apparent demeanour, but the reactions of Wayne's close friends insinuated this intresting assumption.

The bar-on-wheels had to close its gates for the night, but Benjamin was determined to continue this quest without any delay.

* * *

**2:8 Addison's Room Comrades**

Addison's day had been very busy, whence she had hardly been able to accommodate her belongings in her room; thereupon, she would like to send some electronic mail to her aforementioned best friends, videlicet: Geena Fabiano and Zachariah Carter-Schwartz.

Now it was time to see her room comrades. One of them was also a new student at pacific Coast Academy: **Jennifer Mosely** from Santa Clarita, a very ambitious adolescent woman. Watchers of _Ned__'__s Declassified School Survival Guide_ should immediately recognise her as one of their stars. Jennifer, also named _Moze_, admitted that she was up to competing with Zoë; that she wanted to be the one to make the school forget about the blond Miss Perfect, the one female student to be never forgotten by the generations of students, teachers, and staff members to come; and that she would soon demonstrate her superiority, both in the athletic sector, the academic realms, and in the fields of popularity and leadership competence. She had duly demonstrated her capacities at her former school, aforementioned James K. Polk. She had already encountered the renowned star of Pacific Coast Academy in several competitions between their schools, especially some basketball match—although she preferred volleyball. In order to be able to surpass her main rival, she was willing to follow Addison's impending research in order to figure more about Zoë's weaknesses, which she was up to abusing mercilessly.

Addison's other room comrade was not unfamiliar to her, but—quite the contrary, and much to the adolescent star poetess's surprise—a former fellow student from Rocky Road: **Vanessa Tayler**. She is known as Vanessa to the careful watcher of the episode _Quinn's Alpaca_, and as Tayler from various cameos in _Unfabulous_. And the watcher of the former knows that she had been Michael Barret's girlfriend for a fairly short period only, whence she knew a few things to share with Addison and Jennifer, as will be revealed a bit later down the road. She was a passionate volleyball player like Jennifer, and the two girls were up to being the core of the school's team.

It was already curfew time when messy Coco Wexler passed by in order to control the girls she was supposed to be responsible for. Alas, her controls were never very thorough, whence she was easily deceived by the girls; indeed, Vanessa had got quite a few things to share with her room comrades about that topic.

Addison she realised that the dormitory maid was by no means in the mood for a serious conversation; that, contrarily, the messy woman appeared like a blend of a werewolf and a zombie; and that she would thence better refrain from attempting to interview Coco about the most charming adolescent lady. Instead, the aspiring biographer fell asleep soon thereupon, ready to dream about her future on the campus.

* * *

**2:9 Zoë And Her Room Comrades**

After having accommodated Dustin and his possessions, Zoë was ready to take care of her own, notwithstanding the fact that it was already over an hour past curfew. On the other hand, Zoë was accustomed to having to manipulate the dormitory maid into ignoring the rules whenever Miss Perfect had a reason to violate them—no matter what. The reader will possibly remember the episode _Drippin_, wherein Dustin stays in the girls' dormitory room for a dozen of nights straight. Needless to say, there were strict rules prohibiting boys from spending the nights in the girls' dormitory rooms, and vice versa.

Quinn Pensky was back from a secret conversation with Glazer—a connection still unbeknownst to Zoë. She was excessively gifted in keeping her social conducts and her—so-called—relationships clandestine, even fooling her friends. Thus, during their junior year, she had got an inappropriate affair with Logan Reese, which they had tried to hide from their comrades; finally, prom night had revealed everything. Schneider has misguided many watchers into adoring that absurd relationship, mistaking it for love—which it was by absolutely no means. This blazingly uncomely affair has even been assigned a name: **Quogan**. Truth spoken, the whole thing was just mutual abuse: Quinn abused Logan because she needed his money in order to finance her experiments and inventions; whereas Logan had lost a bet, which forced him to date Quinn. Unfortunately, Quinn was too proud to admit to needing a boy's money, whence she preferred that her—so-called—friends believed a plain white lie.

Dolores Martinez was a fledgling Hollywood star, and she was engaged with aforementioned football player Vincent Blake. Really, she was dating him for the sole purpose of becoming prom queen, for nobody would have dared to vote against the girlfriend of the quarterback of a successful football team. The mass media regularly reported about the prom events at Pacific Coast Academy, and the prom court was thus presented to the public, raising Lola's general popularity significantly throughout the whole nation. The reader should truly not be surprised by the statement that Lola was up to doing anything in order to increase her presence in the mass media, as she was obsessed with the concept of conquering her first Oscar Award before turning twenty years old. In this case, increasing her popularity meant backstabbing Chase Matthews, who had—incorrectly—supposed Dolores Martinez to be one of his closest friends.

Chase was not yet aware of the treason committed by all of his—falsely so-called—friends: Michael, Logan, Dolores, Quinn, and—last but not least—Zoë. All of them believed erroneously that Chase had long-since forgotten about the pains he had suffered from Vince's brutal hands because of his own honesty, yet all of them were thoroughly mistaken.

There would have been so many important topics for the girls to talk about, but they refrained from doing so; instead, they insisted in being informed about the ongoing affairs of their room comrades. Dolores was naturally the most curious, as she wanted to know all the details about the days spent on Maui by Chase and Zoë, as well as any plans of Quinn and Logan to have many children.

It should be mentioned that Lola and Quinn had also already heard about the impending production of the authorised biography. Lola Martinez was especially up to portraying herself in a moving picture version of said book, thinking that it would provide her with her coveted first Oscar.

The girls all imagined that it would be a wonderful film praising their friendship and—especially—the relationship of Zoë and Chase. But what would the book, and its possible moving-picture version, actually turn out like?


End file.
